Back in my 40’s, I thought I loved a man who turned out to be so wrong for me.
We’d broken up at least 3 times during the two and a half years we were together.
But while apart, an intense longing for the other would occur.
It was only a matter of time before we’d come back together celebrating a harmonious honeymoon truce.
But, it wouldn’t take long for the problems that created the break up to reappear.
Finally, after two and a half years I said ENOUGH…We’re DONE!
I knew we didn’t belong together but I was not prepared for how hard it would be to let go of him.
Even though I was the one who ended the relationship, I still felt so connected because every time I thought about him, my body was releasing Oxytocin, the bonding hormone which created the physical addiction I had to this man.
It took almost a year to break this hormonal addiction!
I don’t want you to have to go through what happened to me and that’s why I want to share 5 signs that will help you identify whether or not you are addicted to a man and what you can do to break the cycle if this is happening in your life.
Sign #1 – Oxytocin creates a high that is often mistaken for love.
Normally, women experience the bonding that comes from Oxytocin for up to 2 weeks after being intimate with a man.
If you’re addicted, you can trigger it every time you think about him or see his picture.
When Oxytocin is released, it’s like getting a hit.
It stops the longing and makes you feel connected all over again which feels good when you are in a relationship but really plays games with your head once you’ve broken up and want to disconnect.
Sign #2 – Ask yourself what you really love about a man you feel an intense connection with.
I loved this man but truthfully, we were so different that my friends would even say why are you with him?
I kept coming back to the relationship because it felt so good when I was around him.
You want to share similar values with a man and you want to feel emotionally safe which is pretty hard to feel when you are breaking up every 10 seconds.
Sign #3 – Next, ask yourself what you don’t love about him.
We kept breaking up for a reason.
We had very little in common and there was a great deal I didn’t like about him including deal breakers I didn’t honor hoping he’d change for me.
By the way, when you don’t honor your deal breakers you are settling.
Sign #4 – Ask yourself if what he brings to the table is enough for the type of relationship you want to create with him.
Other than the Oxytocin high, almost everything else in this type of relationship feels annoying, irritating and unsolvable.
That’s because the relationship doesn’t have enough to sustain it beyond the hormones keeping it together.
Sign #5 – What you can do to overcome the addiction…
The longing will come back, but with it, you’ll also feel a sense of freedom from being out from under a relationship that isn’t working.
An Oxytocin addiction can stay with you for years.
To break it, start by acknowledging this is occurring.
Stop all contact with the man by phone, email, Facebook and in person… Otherwise, the addiction starts all over again.
You can do it, but it takes time.
Be kind to yourself especially when you’re feeling frustrated because the addiction isn’t ending fast enough.
Plan activities you can do that make you feel good.
Get some friends together to be your support group.
You will feel like a freak at times but know you aren’t alone.
This happens to normal people all the time.
The key is identifying it so you can take these 5 steps to overcome the Oxytocin high and move on.
Your VIP Program is PRICELESS!
Lisa, the valuable insight you share has opened my eyes to staying empowered (by following my Values & Qualities. Recognizing Warning Signs & Red Flags and Deal Breakers). From your vast knowledge, I learned about “me” and why my relationships failed. Each day reminding myself how to connect to the right man making him my “hero” for a long-lasting relationship. I am so thankful I opted for the VIP Program. What you and the program have done for me is priceless. Thank you! Christine, North Carolina
Want to know more about coaching and how it can help you find love after 50?
Just reply Yes to this email and I’ll send you the details for how we can connect.
Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog.
Copyright© 2019 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.