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3 Reasons Why Men Don’t Call You Back in The Over 50’s Dating Game

November 13, 2019 in Dating


Here are 3 Reasons Why Men Don’t Call You Back in The Over 50’s Dating Game

Sometimes you have the best 1st date with a great guy.

You spend hours talking.

He gives you a hug or a kiss when you leave and says he’ll call you.

As you head home, you’re excited because you think he just might be the one.

Then the days start going by and he hasn’t called back to ask you out again.

Why does this happen?  I’m going to explain 3 Reasons for this in today’s blog.

Reason #1 . . . You might appear too needy in his eyes

Recently, I spoke with a friend who came to me because she was having the hardest time getting second dates.

After talking a bit, what I found was by the end of a 1st date, she always felt she could tell whether or not he was the one for her.

As she sat with him on the date, she’d fantasize about their life together.

She’d imagine what it would look like when they moved in together.

So stirred up by these mental images, she’d blurt out they should make plans for future Saturday night dates that might be fun to go to together.

She told me this was the point when men would start winding down the date.

What my friend was doing was planning a relationship that didn’t exist.

Her future planning came across as needy and desperate which sent up HUGE RED FLAGS to the men she was meeting.

When you start making his life your life before you’ve gotten to know someone, you’ll never get a second date.

It’s better to slow down and get to know someone first.

Also, allow him to pursue you then you know he’s really interested in you versus just being nice.

Reason #2  You had sex with him too quickly

Ok, you meet a man and the chemistry is hot.

Things are sizzling between the two of you.

The dates coming to an end and as he walks you to your car, your hormones are in overdrive.

The two of you start kissing.

You’re both excited and hands start roving all over the place.

Next thing you know you’re in the back seat of a car having sex.

You’re both on fire and it feels good and it feels so right.

Then he doesn’t call you again.

You’re devastated thinking the two of you had this amazing bond.

And you did momentarily.

The problem is the sex was too easy for him to get.

Men like to pursue you and they will push your boundaries to see how far they can get with you.

A man respects you when you stick to your boundaries.

It’s ok to have 1st Date sex.

Sometimes you just need it but understand that it rarely leads to a relationship.

Reason #3 … You’re Just NOT His Type

We all have an idea in our head of who we want to spend our lives with.

This is your type and its who you’re looking for when you scan men’s pictures on an online dating site.

You’re trying to see if a man fits the picture of this idea in your head.

Men do this too and that’s when they reach out to you.

After a couple of emails, he calls you and it goes really well.

He’s talking about the future by saying something like “we’ll have to try out the latest Japanese restaurant together in your area since you love sushi so much.”

What he’s doing is talking out loud to see how you might fit into their world.

Always take this type of talk with a grain of salt.

His picture is working overtime as the future talks thinking you might be the one.

It doesn’t mean you are.

But…you get excited thinking he might be right for you, too!

Then the two of you meet.

Within minutes he’s decided you aren’t a match to his picture so the second date doesn’t happen.

It’s not personal.

It’s just the pictures…the one in his head and the one you turn out to be don’t match.

You’re just NOT his type.

There are many reasons a man might not call you back.

Save yourself a lot of date analysis and evaluation by not taking the 1st date personally and by not being invested in its outcome.

I would love to hear how getting second dates is going for you.

Click the button below and post your thoughts.

Hugs~

Lisa

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Copyright© 2019 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.



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DriverSmith – Automatic Download & Update Drivers For Windows

November 13, 2019 in Dating

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Why Do Men Get Serious So Fast?

November 11, 2019 in Dating


In this age of all of these swiping apps, I feel like men are trying to jump into a serious relationship immediately. Sometimes without even having met me, or after one date they are acting like we’re in a serious relationship. If I try to slow things down a bit and get to know someone, it seems like they disappear if I’m not responding with the same level of intensity. I think my slowing things down to actually get to know a man feels like a rejection to him. I feel like another woman is just one swipe away so why try to get to know someone a little slowly if someone else will pick up the intensity right away?

I noted in my profile that I prefer to get to know someone a little slowly at the very beginning. Some guys seem to respect that and I’ve even had a phone conversation with one guy about it. I asked “why don’t people want to actually date at the beginning anymore”? He told me it’s the scarcity mentality and men feel like you’re just one swipe away from meeting someone else so they want to lock you down right away. He is an example of what I’m experiencing. We were trying to sync our schedules up and we decided to meet about a week and a half after our initial call. We had a few calls over a couple of days and fun banter back and forth on text. Then poof, he disappeared. We didn’t even get to the first date. Nothing awkward happened in any of the calls. My assumption is that he just met someone more interesting to him than me in the meantime. We’re the same age and he is not that good looking at all but not terrible either.

In the past I have jumped straight into relationships where I was in a serious relationship right away but then realized a few months in that I didn’t really know the person and then figured out that we were not compatible. It’s a little painful to extract myself from those situations so taking it a little slow is the way to go. Am I the only one who thinks this? How do you keep the interest going before you get to the date? What if you really have no idea how you feel about someone before you meet them and don’t feel super flirty on text?

Lisa

Great letter, Lisa. I agree with almost everything you wrote.

In fact, my dating philosophy is based on the principle you outlined in the last paragraph:

“Taking it a little slow is the way to go.”

That’s why month 2 of Love U goes from Staying Cool to Sex to Being Selective to Becoming Exclusive to Boyfriend Material, in that order. Better to spend a month evaluating whether a guy is worthy of commitment BEFORE he’s your boyfriend, not after.

Otherwise, there’ll be a lot of hooking up and breaking up with people you never should have hooked up with in the first place.

All you can do is continue to go at your pace and show them how to please you better.

So why do we act like this?

Chemistry – dopamine and serotonin are much more powerful than “let’s take it slow.”

Scarcity – “If I don’t act fast, this amazing man will be off the market quickly!”

Competition – “I’m aware you have other options so, quick, choose me before you explore them!”

That’s what you got right, Lisa. But observing this doesn’t fix the fact that most people are more driven by passion than logic when it comes to dating. I’m no different.

In 2000, I was head-over-heels for a woman on Match. Totally wanted her to be my girlfriend after one date. She told me she was happy being single and dating 5 other guys. Instead of shaming her for dating other men, pressuring her into committing against her will, or bailing because of my own insecurity, I tried something novel:

I told her that she should date whomever she wanted. But the next time she went out with another guy and discovered she had more fun with me, she should stop seeing that guy.

I think it took about two weeks for her to become my girlfriend.

(Sadly, this was my hottest/craziest relationship, but the courtship was kinda cute.)

Bringing this back to you, Lisa, with these aggressive men:

All you can do is continue to go at your pace and show them how to please you better.

The right guy will follow your lead. The wrong guy will throw a fit like a petulant child. It won’t take long to figure out which one is which.

Two other points which you may not have considered:

I noted in my profile that I prefer to get to know someone a little slowly at the very beginning.”

Please don’t do this. I agree with you in principle, as I wrote above. That doesn’t mean you should advertise it. “Moving slowly” or “Friends first” is easily read as “I’m fearful. I have issues with trust and sex. You won’t get laid for at least a few months.” You can move slow, but don’t take away the thrill of the chase by explaining this in your profile.

“Men feel like you’re just one swipe away from meeting someone else so they want to lock you down right away.”

But couldn’t that just as easily be said about women? At least the first part? You’re giving men all the power in this equation but wouldn’t you say that an attractive woman who has hundreds of men swiping right on her maintains the greatest level of power? You may not like how quickly men pressure you into commitment, but every guy knows the experience of a woman who disappears because some other guy got there first.

The answer – as always – is more confidence that you have the right to pace things in a way that works for you AND men, more communication to show men how you prefer to be courted, and more empathy for why the opposite sex does what it does. There’s a reason that men push hard – and it’s not just to be annoying.





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The Anti-Anxiety Plan – The Anti-Anxiety Plan

November 9, 2019 in Dating

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Inbox Overload- New Messages Everyday From Women On Online Dating Sites

November 8, 2019 in Dating

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Free Presentation: Siren secrets revealed

November 8, 2019 in Dating

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Getting Sexually Rejected Sucks for Men and Women

November 7, 2019 in Dating


People want to be wanted.

It’s not terribly surprising, but this principle has a profound effect on our relationships.

“To get a peek into the bedrooms of 115 heterosexual couples (participants were aged between 19 and 64), Kiersten Dobson from the University of Western Ontario and colleagues asked them all to keep sex diaries. Every day for 3 weeks, both partners independently logged whether they or their partner had made a sexual advance, and if so, whether that led to sexual activity. They also recorded their daily levels of satisfaction with their sexual relationship, as well as their relationship generally, answering questions such as “How good is your relationship compared to most?”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the researchers found that accepting a sexual advance, or having an advance accepted by the partner, resulted in an increase in both sexual and relationship satisfaction that day compared to other days. 

On the other hand, being rejected decreased sexual satisfaction. But intriguingly, if the participant themselves was the rejecter – that is, if they shunned an advance from their partner – their sexual satisfaction still increased. (Neither being rejected nor being the rejecter had any effect on general relationship satisfaction.)”

It’s not shocking that sex leads to mutual satisfaction.

It’s not shocking that being rejected decreases sexual satisfaction.

It is really shocking that people get a perverse thrill out of rejecting their partner.

It is really shocking that people get a perverse thrill out of rejecting their partner. Of course, that’s not what the study actually suggests:

“Rather than reflecting some pleasure derived from rejecting someone, the researchers suggest that being approached for sex leaves a person feeling desired, so enhances sexual satisfaction even when no actual sex ends up happening. The team found that the boost in satisfaction from having an advance accepted persisted for 24 hours, with the slump of being rejected lasting twice as long. And the gratification that came from being either an acceptor or a rejecter lasted a remarkable 72 hours.

This paragraph effectively illustrates two issues that men and women fail to acknowledge about each other.

  1. It’s really risky and scary for men to approach women. It’s debilitating to say hi to women and get ignored, buy drinks and get ignored, write to women online and get ignored, and make a first move and get rejected. Women don’t experience this nearly as much and, in my experience as a coach, tend to lack empathy and understanding for what men have to go through. Most of my clients want to quit online dating if some guy doesn’t write back.
  2. Conversely, within a relationship (which is what this study is about), sexual rejection is really corrosive to both men and women. When the person who has chosen you seems actively disinterested in sex, it is hard not to internalize that. And it is not just women rejecting their horny husbands. Lots of women have boyfriends who criticize their bodies, prefer sleep, gaming or porn, and reject sexual advances outright.

It’s a bit of a trick to make someone you’ve been with for a long time feel desirable, but it’s vital to the health of the relationship. Sex with a monogamous partner will rarely feel “new” but it can – and should be – mutually satisfying, no matter how long you’re together.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.





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Audio Mind Control

November 6, 2019 in Dating

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9 Things about Being Single You Wish Your Married Friends Knew

November 6, 2019 in Dating


9 Things about Being Single You Wish Your Married Friends Knew

It’s true when people say you never know what it’s like to stand in someone else’s shoes.

This disconnect is happening every day in relationships between married and single friends in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s as both men and women lose long-time spouses.

As a dating coach for women over 50, I hear the pain in women’s voices when they talk about their married friends and the social lives they miss being part of.

They longingly wish they could share what it’s like to be single and alone at this time in their life without coming across as needy or unhappy.

I’ve put together the 9 most common things I’ve heard from women over the years.

My hope is that this blog opens everyone’s eyes (single and married) to be more compassionate and aware of what it’s like when life changes, you’re on your own and no longer part of a couple.

#1 . . . We know you mean well when you tell us what a great catch we are and that we’ll be married again before we know it. 

But when it doesn’t happen right away, we feel like we’re a failure in your eyes.

Instead, we’d love if you could encourage us to go out and date when we’re ready and that you’ll be there to listen when we need a loving ear.

#2 . . . Please try and give the men we’re dating a chance.

We know it’s hard for you to adjust to us being with someone else especially when we’ve shared a long history together.

Whether he is in our life for six months or we marry him, if you and your husband could make an effort to get to know this new man, we’d so appreciate it.

We know it takes effort to get to know someone new but when you choose not to, what we feel is that you don’t care about our friendship anymore and that really hurts cause we miss being with you.

#3 . . . Please don’t share that you thought a man was bad for us after we’ve broken up with him. 

Sometimes, even if you didn’t like him, we did.

Our hearts are hurting and we could use your loving support at this time.

#4 . . . If you haven’t heard from us in a while, instead of asking all our old friends if they’ve seen us, give us a call to make sure we’re ok. 

It would mean a lot to know we’re still on your radar.

#5 . . . Please consider inviting us back to the holiday parties we always enjoyed over the years.

We miss connecting with our couple friends both male and female.

We were part of the group for a long time and it hurts to be left out.

#6 . . . Please understand we’ve had to experience a lot of change on our own such as downsizing, loss of people in our lives, and suddenly being single after being part of a couple for so many years. 

You are blessed to have a partner to share your emotions with.

We are doing it all alone.

This is a time we could really use your support.

#7 . . . We can spend a lot of dinner times on both weekdays and weekends alone especially if our kids live far away. 

Let’s do dinner together sometime and bring your husband too.

We’re not interested in him in any way but as a friend and we miss the friendship all of us shared.

#8 . . . Many of us are strong successful women. 

We have a tendency to hide the pain we’re feeling and will act as if everything is alright.

Sometimes if we feel close and safe with you, we will dump everything that has been happening in our lives on you because we have no one else to share our thoughts with.

We don’t mean to do that but we are so grateful you let us express what is on our mind.

#9 . . . We so treasure our friendship and we’re here for you too when you need us.

Now it’s your turn.

Agree? Disagree?

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Just post them below.

Hugs~

Lisa

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Copyright© 2019 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.



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Code Of The Natural – The Walking Code

November 6, 2019 in Dating

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