Published On: February 1st, 2023Categories: Colorado News

I should have seen it coming that day back in 2018. I mean, it had the makings of a great story: drama, foreshadow, irony. … But I was naïve. What can I say?

On April 1, I walked into the bathroom to find my wife, Heather, holding onto the counter, staring into the sink. Her expression was vacant, serious, like she was about to be sick.

“I need to tell you something,” she finally said.

“Okayyyyy …” I said, warily.

Heather Weidner attempts Du Opfa, a limestone sport route in Leonidio, Greece, in December 2019. Her inward struggles were invisible to me at the time. (Chris Weidner / Courtesy photo)

“I want to have a baby.”

I stood there, stunned. “Ummmm …”

She couldn’t take it any longer. Her poker face melted, a smile appeared, then she burst out laughing, “April fools!”

We had decided years earlier we didn’t want kids, and to this end her commitment was unwavering. She even pestered me to get a vasectomy (irony, foreshadow).

Fast-forward to December 2019 when we spent several weeks in Leonidio, Greece, with friends. We climbed by day and shared meals by night in a big house on the beach. It was sublime. Only, Heather seemed distracted, unhappy. I couldn’t fathom what was wrong. When I asked, her explanations were nebulous. The depth of her sadness seemed disproportionate to her words.

After we arrived home, I caught Heather sobbing uncontrollably in the bathroom one morning. I had stumbled into a déjà vu. Between deep, spasmodic breaths she blurted, “I think. I want. A baby.”

Her distress horrified me; I knew immediately this was no joke. She not only thought she wanted a baby, she needed one. And she had known for months, but was afraid to tell me.

For Heather — a smart, multi-talented go-getter — climbing just wasn’t enough. Even at her elite level she felt a void no achievement could fill. She needed a purpose, a family.

As for me, I was content with the status quo. I had everything I wanted: Heather, friends, climbing, work, and several lifetimes worth of dreams. And we had decided long ago that kids weren’t for us. I felt nothing was amiss.

So the sudden idea of being a parent terrified me. Mainly because nothing about having a kid sounded appealing. As far as I could tell, the tangible sacrifices — time (to climb), freedom (to climb), money (for climbing), sleep (to recover from climbing), energy (to climb) — are all things I deeply value, yet every parent I know had given these up, to some extent.

And the supposed rewards of parenthood — a deeper love (whatever that means), a sense of meaning (already have one) and satisfaction (inexplicable, I was told, until you’re a parent) — all seemed absurdly vague and far too unpredictable for my taste.

So the decision I faced crushed me: Do I ignore my brain’s alarm bells and risk my happiness? Or do I deny Heather a child and risk her happiness and, frankly, our marriage? It was the single scariest decision I’ve ever made.

Fast-forward to Dec. 30, 2021 (the day of the devastating Marshall Fire — irony) and — spoiler alert! — we had a kid.

Being a father has its perks, like the pure joy I often see in Dallas. (Heather Weidner / Courtesy photo)
Being a father has its perks, like the pure joy I often see in Dallas. (Heather Weidner / Courtesy photo)

Now, my son, Dallas, is just over 1 year old. My life has not imploded. My happiness remains intact. I even had my best year of sport climbing to date. Mind you (as per the conditions Heather and I agreed upon), I have more freedom than most dads I know. Heather does the majority of work. And we now have a wonderful nanny, Sofia, who helps us several days each week.

And Dallas, well … I really like hanging out with him. He finds joy in the simplest things (an empty water bottle, a plastic dinosaur, a thin stream of water from the faucet) and he expresses that joy. I appreciate his openness, without fear of judgment. When he smiles, he beams. When he cries, he wails. If he wants something he will absolutely let us know. He has no filter, and that’s refreshing.

He also has a surprising sense of humor. He makes me laugh every single day.

And since I now have more to do and less free time to do it, having Dallas has taught me to prioritize what matters — in work, in climbing, in life.

And whatever that is, I’ve learned, the time to do it is now.

Contact Chris Weidner at cweidner8@gmail.com. Follow him on Instagram @christopherweidner and Twitter @cweidner8.

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Chris Weidner
2023-02-01 13:55:19
Boulder Daily Camera
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